When I was sixteen and a junior in high school, I met an older man, I will call Blue. I found that older men gave me an avenue to escape high school pressures. My sister introduced me to Blue, and daily conversations lead to regular visits.
From the beginning, I knew he was too old for me, but Blue knew how to win me over, taking me shopping and out to eat.
As time went on, we spent more and more time together, and I shared all my life goals with this older man. Senior year, Blue got more possessive. He wanted to be together all the time. We got into fight after fight when I wanted to spend time with my friends or my family. As things got worse, I distanced myself and eventually ended things with him. That day he tried to run me over with his car. Blue returned to beg for another chance, and the cycle of giving him chance after chance began.
As time passed, and we fought more and more. Our fights got physical. A push led to a punch in the face. After one knockout episode, I realized I was living in a cycle of full-on physical abuse.
I finished high school and joined the military. I thought it was a great opportunity to leave Blue and never look back. I didn’t exactly stick to the plan, and I invited him to my basic training graduation. Blue showed up and proposed. Despite the past, we got married, and I discovered he was 26 years older than I as we filled out our marriage certificate, but I married him anyway. I graduated from training and returned home with an assignment to Korea. Blue could not go with me. The same day I got home he starts a fight about my assignment which turns into another physical altercation. This time, he pushed me on the bed, covered my face with a pillow, and POW! was all I heard. Sat up and felt blood falling from my mouth. I looked up to see Blue now with the gun to his head. I jumped up, knocked the gun from his hand, and went to dial 911 from the living room. My husband had shot me in the face. The bullet had gone straight into my mouth and out of cheek. It took out the entire left side of my teeth. I questioned if I would die.
From the front seat of the ambulance where Blue rode, the one thing he said over and over was, “I’m sorry!” The police found and arrested him at the hospital. The doctors stitched me up and sent me home. During the investigation, I discovered that the officers thought I was dead based on the scene at the house. I did not press charges. I felt it was not my place to judge or punish him, rather I was faithful that God would take care of it in His own time. The state did pick up the case and charged Blue with aggravated assault with a deadly weapon. Three weeks after my assault I packed up and went on to my assignment to Korea. After being there for about four months, I found out I was pregnant
with Blue’s baby. I returned back to The States, had my baby and moved forward with my life. Two years later, Blue finally went to trial for my case. He was sentenced to ten years of probation, a no contact order, and time served.
I don’t have any regrets about the choices I made at that time. I have learned to give myself grace for my choices at such a young age. I have received it as a lesson learned, and I have worked really hard to not become a bitter woman. Despite my personal hurt and anger, I turned to similar hurtful actions towards others over time. I have had to learn how to tame my emotions, to control my hurt and anger. I thank God for keeping me in those times, and in the times after. I thank Him for putting the right people in my life on this journey I venture through every day. Every person, every situation, is a chance to become smarter, stronger, more humble, and even more grateful for the blessing of life that I have today. I pray that through what I have endured, I can reach out and help others facing similar situations.